Female orgasms can feel like an unsolvable riddle. No matter whether you’re with a trusted partner or going solo, trying for an orgasm can result in pleasure or discomfort, relief, or frustration. According to MedlinePlus, up to 20 percent of women have never had an orgasm, and about 50 percent say they wish they had more. Orgasms can be elusive, and it’s sometimes difficult to pinpoint the exact combinations of events that will get you there.
Through better foreplay, different sexual positions, and experimentation with toys or erotica, you can try different ways to climb that mountain. When you put these techniques into practice, you may experience not only incredible orgasms, but also a stronger and more intimate connection with your partner.
1. Spend More Time on Foreplay
A hectic day and hurried conversations with your partner can push out any thought of sexy fun from your mind, and here’s where foreplay is key. Foreplay can mean anything from a sweet or steamy text on your lunch break to a massage with sensual oils after dinner. It can begin hours before sex actually occurs, and every minute of it will pave the way for the big O.
Here are some tips for getting both of you in the mood:
Add romance to the mix. A steamy note or a flirtatious call during the day can get your partner thinking about your upcoming liaison. Candles, fresh flowers, and mood music can create a loving and sensual atmosphere. For many women, closeness and emotional intimacy can lead to better sexual experiences and more orgasms.
Use a tender touch. Caressing someone gently can create sexual tension before you go any further. Hugging, holding someone’s hand, or touching in the most intimate of places. (Hint: Yes, the breasts are an erogenous zone, but they’re not the only one! Try stroking the back or thighs, or sliding your fingers into her hair.)
Take kissing to the next level. Kissing is essential to foreplay. Discovering new places to kiss that turn her on can be both fun and rewarding. Try the back of the neck or shoulders for starters. Orgasm may be easier to reach if, when kissing, you let your hands roam to more erotic regions of her body.
Heighten the senses. “Couples can enjoy foreplay through mutual massages with sensual oils to heighten arousal,” says Lisa Lawless, PhD, sexual health expert and CEO of Holistic Wisdom. You can also try massage candles, which provide intimate mood lighting and heated body oil for drizzling, Dr. Lawless says.
Try erotica. “Exploring erotic literature or watching ethical, consensual adult entertainment together can help some couples find added arousal,” Lawless says. Find erotica that gets you both excited for a heightened experience.
Don’t forget to talk. Women may have trouble achieving orgasm if they don’t feel safe and known. “Communication in the bedroom can foster intimacy, trust, and a sense of safety with one another. By using words that show appreciation, love, and desire, couples can significantly improve bonding, sexual intimacy, and their feelings of satisfaction,” Lawless says.
Foreplay desires can vary, and communicating what works plays a big role in sexual satisfaction. “The only way to know what works for your partner is to ask, and don’t forget to share what you like, too. It may take some practice to get comfortable, but working on sexual communication, both in and out of the bedroom, is a key to long-lasting intimacy,” says Lyndsey Harper, MD, sexual health expert and clinical assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Texas A&M School of Medicine in Bryan, Texas.
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